Dog Scurries Off NFL Field After Trump's Tirade

Jerry, a huge and muscular American pitbull, and a good boy, was sent packing from an NFL game on Sunday between the Steelers and the Bears.

1de81e1f389e5fa0f4908dcb864b2723--american-pitbull-american-bullies.jpg

Jerry belongs to Suzy Graham, one of the media advisors for the Pittsburgh Steelers, and is frequently seen on the sidelines of Steelers' games.

Graham had just begun an informal press conference when a reporter repeated Donald Trump's assertion that a kneeling player was a "son of a bitch" and should get "off the field." Jerry heard this an instantly bolted for the change rooms.

He was found 30 minutes later.

Graham was shocked. "Jerry should never feel like a stranger in his own country. He should have the freedom to do what he wants."

AFL Criticised For Colour Of Logo

Twice in two days the AFL has come under fire for its logo. This time critics have criticised the blue colour.

4937.jpg

"It's some common, everyone's got blue and red," wrote Damo on an AFL internet website forum.

"They're just copying what everyone else does," wrote Killa23. "The NBA, the NFL, the MLB, it's just a rehash."

Yesterday some backward folks criticised the AFL for freely participating in the public debate over whether to legalise same-sex marriage, a debate for which No campaigners had campaigned hard.

They complained that the AFL should not be involving itself in political issues, just like racism, gender equality and alcohol abuse.

Swans Fans Adamant Buddy Flag Is Coming

Sydney Swans fan Peter O'Toole is adamant that a premiership team featuring Buddy Franklin is not far off.

1505705320445.jpg

The Swans have played in two grand finals for two losses since Franklin made the trip north to Sydney at the end of 2012.

Now, with the Swans exiting the finals in just week two, many commentators in the media have commentated that perhaps the Buddy deal was not worth it.

"Halfway through the nine-year, $10 million dollar deal, and what have the Swans got to show for it?" Asked Garry Torksalott on SEN radio this morning.

But for a diehard Bloods supporter like O'Toole, all that radio filler is just white noise.

"You look at the way Buddy has performed throughout his Swans career - he's been magnificent, especially in finals. Gary Rohan on the other hand...

"The real question is why are we paying $900,000 a year for Kurt Tippett to play in the NEAFL?"

Collingwood Gears Up For Higher Draft Picks As Buckley Stays

Collingwood Magpies FC have confirmed they are in a long-term rebuild as they plan for the future with higher draft picks over the next two years.

3000.jpg

At a press conference today President Eddie McGuire announced that Nathan Buckley would be reappointed coach for a further two seasons.

The Magpies's results under Buckley's reign have deteriorated each season and the club has not made the finals since 2013.

However, the plan to keep the underperforming Buckley means the club will have a better shot at securing higher draft picks in the following years, which is good strategy considering next year's draft is highly rated.

LGBTI Can't Marry But Two Dudes Can Beat The Shit Out Of Each Other

The dumbest sport known to Earth will be on full display this weekend as Floyd Mayweather and Connor Macgregor box each other.

1503553534014.jpg

Whilst boxing is not considered as violent and weird as the upstart Ultimate Fighting Championship, it is still predicated on the joy gained from repeatedly punching someone in the head.

Do that on the weekend outside the pub and you're a low-life. Do it inside a (square) ring half-naked and you're a sportsman.

And two people of the same sex who love each other still cannot get married, which is an act that involves zero violence and zero harm to anyone else.

Jamie Whincup "Still A Dick"

At Eastern Creek Raceway yesterday, Jame Whincup won his 106th race in the Supercars championship, making him the most successful driver in the category's history, but most drivers still see him as a dick.

62a5d7a4438a417c29b4069ce51644f4.jpg

"Good driver, but still a dick," said long-time rival Mark Winterbottom.

"I hear they get a new custom-made helmet made each year to deal with his ego," said another driver. "I wonder what they'll do now."

Even die-hard Ford fans have major antipathy to a driver who brought the Blue Oval a fair few Bathurst and Championship victories.

"Skaifey even seems a pleasant guy compared to Whincup and [his team] Triple Eight," said Davo, a Ford fanatic. "Team boss Roland Dane is about a pleasant as a mouthful of glass washed down with acid.

"He and his team are always whingeing. They're always sooking to the stewards about something."

 

 

Deputy PM Unsure Who To Support In Bledisloe Cup

This Saturday night Australia plays (ha!) New Zealand in the Bledisloe Cup in a game of rugby union. Nobody cares.

Well, maybe a few private school boys and alums in NSW and Queensland. Rugby union is something of a black hole at the moment in Australia. They just axed one of their own teams in the Super Rugby competition.

However, Deputy Prime Minister and Member for New England and leader of the National Party of Australia, Barnaby Joyce, who has recently disclosed he is a citizen of New Zealand, is torn between who he should support.

The leader of the National Party of Australia, a citizen of New Zealand until yesterday, has often worn Wallabies gear when in public. But now he might be back in black this Saturday.

Toby Greene Not On The Grassy Knoll: Giants

Greater Western Sydney Giants CEO Dave Matthews has released a strongly worded statement defending the actions of forward Toby Greene and reiterated he was "not on the grassy knoll."

The last furore over Greene erupted after he appeared to defend himself from an opposition Western Bulldogs player, Luke Dahlhauls, by using his boot. Another view may be that Greene jumped and kicked away Dahlhaus in the face.

Giants coach Leon Cameron said Greene was a victim of "hysteria." Herald Sun journalist Mark Robinson said if it was Bob Murphy or Marcus Bontempelli then the incident would have been called an "accident."

At the media briefing, Matthews also wanted to emphasis that Greene was not on the grassy knoll the day Kennedy was assassinated in Dallas, Texas. Journalists present were confused by this claim, and wondered whether the hysteria was indeed seriously affecting the Giants.

Innocent Jumpers Caught Up In Jumper Punch Fiasco

Another weekend of AFL and another series of incidents involving jumper punches for the Match Review Panel to examine.

But a few jumpers at a number of AFL clubs have had enough of being repeatedly drawn into scandal by ill-disciplined players.

Kelvin, a jumper at the Geelong Football Club, spoke to The Seagull. He is sick of being lumped in together with over-aggressive footy players who can't control themselves.

"Hawkins, he's a big boy, but he just can't help himself," said Kelvin. "Any time the Cats are losing he just flips. I see it every week."

Kelvin has confirmed he is not one of Hawkins' match-day jumpers. He is instead raising the issue on behalf of fellow jumpers who are sick, sick, sick of their reputations being tarnished by stupid footy players.

"Call it what it is: a punch. Doesn't matter if you're holding a jumper or a bottle of Moet, it's still a punch.

"I've got friends at Richmond and Melbourne and they're just sick to death of it."

Another jumper, who spoke to The Seagull on the condition of anonymity, said a lot of his mates were considering switch to AFLW in the off-season.

"It's new and small and less money, but the atmosphere is great. And there's no dickheads scrunching you up so you can knock someone in the chin," the jumper said.

CA's James Sutherland 'Just Gunning For Warner': Report

Sources have alleged to The Seagull that Cricket Australia CEO James Sutherland is "just gunning for David Warner."

David Warner, Australia's Test and One-Day opening batsman, has been the most outspoken in his support of the player's demands in the testy pay talks.

As the negotiations ebb and flow and future tours look increasingly in doubt, the war of words in and out of the media become increasingly bitter.

An insider from Cricket Australia has told The Seagull that even if the players' demands are met, Sutherland has vowed to lean heavily on the selectors to punish Warner.

"Sutherland said Warner will be lucky to be playing for NSW when the deal is done," according to the insider.

 

"What's a tank?" North Dispels Tanking Rumours

North Melbourne coach Brad Scott has sought to allay concerns that North Melbourne is "tanking" - deliberately losing - to move up the order in this years draft.

Photo: AAP

Photo: AAP

Several senior players were withdrawn from last week's match against Essendon - a game in which North played extremely well - which raised eyebrows in the media because the media need something to talk about.

"What's a tank?" Scott replied to a reporter's question at a press conference today, a hilarious reference to The Simpsons episode where Fat Tony responds to Chief Wiggum's interrogative questioning, "What's a truck?" Gold.

Scott was emphatic in his desire to maintain a winning culture at the club versus higher draft picks.

"We don't want to turn in the next Carlton or Melbourne where you go through three or four coaches and waste a whole lot of money on quick fixes. That's moronic.

"If we really wanted to tank this year then we would've kept all those old fogeys we kicked out last year."

Superstitious Richmond Fan Still Not Watching The Tigers

Beryl Sweeney has followed the Richmond Tigers for 68 years. She's seen a few flags in her time. She's also seen a lot of ninth places on the ladder.

As the 2017 home and away season draws to a close, Beryl is beginning to get excited. But only from what friends are telling her.

"I'm not watching any regular games, and to be honest, I don't even like hearing about them," says Beryl. "If after round 23 we're in the top eight then that's when I'll start paying attention. I know if I start engaging we'll fall away faster than a cat on a hot tin roof."

Sport and superstition go hand in hand. From cricketers who wear special underwear to footballers who always strap up their shoulders to fans that never watch a set shot for goal, there's always a weird habit.

But Beryl has taken hers to a new level.

"I remember yelling at my grandson when he was driving me to my optometrist appointment. He put SEN on and bloody Kevin Bartlett was pumping us up!"

It's been 16 years since Richmond last won a final and Beryl hopes her luck is about to change.

AFL Announces Massive Alcohol Sponsorship Deal

AFL CEO Gillon McLachlan yesterday announced a massive new sponsorship deal with SAB Miller, owner of Foster’s Group, owner of Carlton & United Breweries, makers of Victoria Bitter and Carlton Draught, beers, for the next five years.

The news is a rare piece of good news in a week where all the news has been bad news for the AFL with the news that two senior executives were having affairs with younger women.

The alcohol deal continues the partnership between the AFL and the some of the biggest drug companies in Australia and the world. The Melbourne-based AFL was keen to ensure that weird, unknown beer labels from states such as Queensland and South Australia weren’t seen by Victorians.

The deal enables the beer makers to put their logos on advertising boards all around Australian football grounds to remind people to keep consuming their product.

In other AFL news, McLachlan established a working group to work to consider an overhaul of its drugs policies.

‘We need players to heed the anti-drugs message,’ McLachlan said.

NSW No Different To The Boy Who Cried Wolf

New South Wales is either the boy who cried wolf, saying over and over that there's a predator laying in wait, or Pinocchio, telling the world they can win next year's Origin series.

Photo: Mark Kolbe

Photo: Mark Kolbe

NSW will make you believe anything you want to believe. But they can't win Origin. They don't even "get" Origin according to former champion Andrew Johns.

They don't know how to win and it seems like they don't want to win. Perhaps the participation trophy is enough for them.

Jonathon Thurston played Game II with a smashed shoulder and won the game for Queensland. He'll never play Origin again but his legacy is complete.

What legacy does NSW have? Will anyone ever believe them when they say they're a chance?

Eddie Extends Holiday To Avoid Sacking Buckley

Collingwood FC President Eddie McGuire has extended his holiday to avoid dealing with difficult decisions in the days ahead at his beloved Magpies.

Coach Nathan Buckley is under enormous pressure and suggested his team had reached a "tipping point" after Saturday's loss to Essendon.

Buckley last year said he wouldn't expect to keep his job if Collingwood miss the finals in 2017, which now looks likely.

Sources inside the Triple M radio station where Eddie also works have confirmed to The Seagull that Eddie, who was due back from overseas this Thursday, will now remain aboard for two more weeks.

A Nine Network spokesman said broadcasts of Millionaire Hotseat would not be affected as Eddie had increased the shows pre-recording schedule in the event of Collingwood playing poorly.

It is well-known in Melbourne circles that Eddie absolutely loves Collingwood favourite son Buckley. It is even rumoured that Eddie has a tattoo of Buckley on his back.

Whilst most people don't believe there will be a Romeo And Juliet-style climax should Eddie decide to sack Buckley, it will nevertheless be an emotional time at the Holden Centre.

 

Man Confused As To Whether Punching OK Or Not

A simple forklift driver from Gowanbrae, Darren George is finding it difficult to make sense of today's topsy turvy world.

When Darren picked up the paper on Monday morning on his way to work, the front page was emblazoned with pictures of Jeff Horn, Australia's newest sporting hero. Horn defeated Manny Pacquiao to win the WBO welterweight title last Sunday.

On Thursday Jeff Horn received a ticker-tape parade through the Brisbane CBD as well as the keys to the city.

"I've never been that interested in boxing, it seems pretty brutal, but I'm happy to support any Aussie when it comes to sport," Darren says. "Everyone seemed to be stoked that an Aussie had won. It must have been the underdog thing."

But things changed when Darren saw his paper the next day. Video footage had emerged of AFL executive Ali Fahour striking an unaware opponent in a suburban football match. Darren became confused.

"They were calling this guy a thug, but I thought footy was a contact sport. Let's be real, everyone loves watching a bit of biff. It's like the crashes on motorsport.

"I don't get it. I mean, the Player of the Century, Leigh Matthews, was surely also one of the games dirtiest players, hitting blokes behind the ball. His job's fine.

"Same thing with Barry Hall after he clocked Brent Staker. Now he works for the fantasy AFL game. What's the deal?"

 

Woman Reignites Mild Interest In Cycling Via SBS

Patricia Pabst, a medical secretary from Keilor, found herself channel surfing last night with not much good stuff on the telly.

As it turned out, the one last turn around the twenty-or-so free-to-air channels led her straight to the Tour de France.

"It was such a relief. I thought I was going to have to lie in bed in complete darkness and contemplate the emptiness of my existence. But then I found cycling."

Ms Pabst is not alone in her TV awakening. SBS conducted an online poll which found a remarkable number of people rekindle their faith in cycling when July comes around.

"It's more than just the beautiful French countryside," says Annabel al-Deeversitee, head of sports programming at SBS. "The incomparable of knowledge and excitable tones of Phil Liggett is another reason people watch."

Perhaps people just grow weary of another fishing or 4x4 show on free-to-air TV?

"No, no," Ms al-Deeversitee interrupted. "It's Phil Liggett."

David Warner's Lamborghini On Carsales

A keen-eyed punter has informed The Seagull they have spotted Australian cricketer David Warner's Lamborghini on the Carsales website.

The asking price is $380,000 for the white Lamborghini Huracan.

This latest information would appear to confirm that Cricket Australia and the Australian Cricketers Association won't be able to reach an agreement by the June 30 deadline, which is today.

As a sign of good faith, cricketers will turn up for training on Monday.

Former international player Shane Watson, a member of the ACA executive, has said cricketers could easily ply their wares in overseas competitions such as Bangladesh, the Caribbean and South Africa.

However, it seems Warner is taking pre-emptive action to safeguard his family against the dramatic loss of income which take effect at midnight tonight.

Hawks Fans Moan Loss Of Wealth Advantage In AFL's Even Season

Hawthorn fans are bemoaning the loss of the advantage of being one of the wealthiest clubs in the AFL, declaring the competition has become "socialist."

One of the brown and gold's 72,552 members, Clive James, says it is "regrettable" that the Hawks financial supremacy has not translated into on-field supremacy in season 2017.

"The game has finally left it's rightful phase - that of capitalism - and entered socialism. What a shame!" James said. "You only have to look at the Bulldogs triumph in 2016 to see how the lower types are now considered equal.

"What's the point of all this money if it doesn't buy you anything?"

Other AFL fans, however, are relishing season 2017. Iain Glenday, an MCC member and impartial fan, couldn't disagree more.

"Now when I go to the game and say I don't have a team I don't feel so silly. The contest is magnificent!" Glenday said.