All Of AFL Community Laughing At Gold Coast Suns

The entire AFL community is laughing at the Gold Coast "Football Club" (Franchise) today as the northern club lost out big time in trade week.

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(It was rumoured that even AFL CEO Gillon McLachlan was heard having a chuckle at AFL House across the road from Etihad Stadium where trading was taking place.)

Gold Coast had stated earlier this year that Gary Ablett was a contracted player and would not be traded, which then changed to Gary Ablett would only be traded to Geelong for a player in return, to accepting a trade for draft picks.

But not only that Gold Coast gave pick 24 to Geelong as well. All this for pick 19 and a second round pick next year.

Then, Gold Coast gave up pick 2 in this years draft (for Lachie Weller) in surely the biggest "Fuck you!" to a rookie coach (Stuart Dew) in the history of AFL and all competitive sport ever.

As one Geelong fan said, "You only ever get one Gold Coast!"

Betting 9 Times A Day Too Much

Ronald Lovfefe is an avid punter. Each week he drops $100 into his Sportsbet account to punt on the footy. He is adamant he is "quite good."

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"It's just a bit of fun. I don't take it too seriously, because once you do then you start going down the rabbit hole.

"I punt on footy, and I like outrageous bets like first goal scorer and most touches. It gives me something to think about over the weekend when there's nine games of footy."

But since the AFL season has ended, Ronald has found his weekly punting far to challenging.

"Horse racing is just ridiculous - there's 9 races a day. I don't have time to process all the information. It's not fun."

The Seagull asked whether Ronald's simple punting had now turned into gambling.

"Yeah, but I'm responsible."

Yearly Media Focus On Supercars As Bathurst 1000 Arrives

As the elite athletes of Supercars gear up for the most important race in the Southern Hemisphere, the Australian media finally turns its focus toward them.

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More than 100,000 Australians will attend the four-day event at the Mount Panorama circuit, one of the world's most grueling and unforgiving racetracks.

And the media will cover it, or at lease pay Australian Associated Press for their coverage.

As longtime Supercars fan Richard Wright says, "You're lucky to get more than five seconds of coverage on the Sunday night sports wrap up on TV news bulletins. But when Bathurst rolls around, there might even be a full two minute report."

Hundreds of thousands of Australians watch Supercars events at circuits or on TV every year, but you wouldn't know it.

AFL Fan Gears UP For Trade Period

Most AFL fans are still swept up in the yellow and black fever of Richmond's first flag for 37 years, but not Trevor Tallent. He's got trade fever.

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"This is the most important part of the season. This is where the real pre-season begins," says Trevor.

Trevor is speaking of the Trade and Free Agency Period, which runs from October 9 to 19, where the clubs gather to nut out deals for player draft pick swaps.

Says Trevor: "Adelaide's 2018 season starts now - they've already got Jake Lever on the move, and maybe a few others from what I'm hearing on the radio. They can't afford to wallow in self-pity."

Trevor is among the growing number of... aficionados... of the AFL Trade Period. The AFL officially runs a daylong online radio stream for... aficionados.

But the talkback lines of Melbourn's premier footy stations SEN and Triple M all run hot with trade talk.

Whenever a player moves, you know Trevor will know before the player knows.

Dilemma Of Neutral Footy Fan Sympathetic To Tigers

Roy Havel is a North Melbourne supporter who knows what it's like to experience the highs and lows of an AFL Grand Final.

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"I was there is '98 when we lost, but also in '99 when we won. You go from complete devastation to delirious joy."

Whilst Roy is generally supportive of Richmond, he knows that should they prevail over the Adelaide Crows then all of their supporters will become unbearable.

"Every team's supporters do it, they become obnoxious. But more so when that club hasn't played in a granny for 35 years.

"They'll have to declare martial law in Swan Street, Richmond I think. It will be nuts."

And what about Roy supporting the Crows? Not a chance.

"Adelaide? We let them into our competition and they've still got a chip on their shoulder. All these interstate sides do. Bugger 'em!"

Dog Scurries Off NFL Field After Trump's Tirade

Jerry, a huge and muscular American pitbull, and a good boy, was sent packing from an NFL game on Sunday between the Steelers and the Bears.

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Jerry belongs to Suzy Graham, one of the media advisors for the Pittsburgh Steelers, and is frequently seen on the sidelines of Steelers' games.

Graham had just begun an informal press conference when a reporter repeated Donald Trump's assertion that a kneeling player was a "son of a bitch" and should get "off the field." Jerry heard this an instantly bolted for the change rooms.

He was found 30 minutes later.

Graham was shocked. "Jerry should never feel like a stranger in his own country. He should have the freedom to do what he wants."

AFL Criticised For Colour Of Logo

Twice in two days the AFL has come under fire for its logo. This time critics have criticised the blue colour.

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"It's some common, everyone's got blue and red," wrote Damo on an AFL internet website forum.

"They're just copying what everyone else does," wrote Killa23. "The NBA, the NFL, the MLB, it's just a rehash."

Yesterday some backward folks criticised the AFL for freely participating in the public debate over whether to legalise same-sex marriage, a debate for which No campaigners had campaigned hard.

They complained that the AFL should not be involving itself in political issues, just like racism, gender equality and alcohol abuse.

Swans Fans Adamant Buddy Flag Is Coming

Sydney Swans fan Peter O'Toole is adamant that a premiership team featuring Buddy Franklin is not far off.

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The Swans have played in two grand finals for two losses since Franklin made the trip north to Sydney at the end of 2012.

Now, with the Swans exiting the finals in just week two, many commentators in the media have commentated that perhaps the Buddy deal was not worth it.

"Halfway through the nine-year, $10 million dollar deal, and what have the Swans got to show for it?" Asked Garry Torksalott on SEN radio this morning.

But for a diehard Bloods supporter like O'Toole, all that radio filler is just white noise.

"You look at the way Buddy has performed throughout his Swans career - he's been magnificent, especially in finals. Gary Rohan on the other hand...

"The real question is why are we paying $900,000 a year for Kurt Tippett to play in the NEAFL?"

Collingwood Gears Up For Higher Draft Picks As Buckley Stays

Collingwood Magpies FC have confirmed they are in a long-term rebuild as they plan for the future with higher draft picks over the next two years.

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At a press conference today President Eddie McGuire announced that Nathan Buckley would be reappointed coach for a further two seasons.

The Magpies's results under Buckley's reign have deteriorated each season and the club has not made the finals since 2013.

However, the plan to keep the underperforming Buckley means the club will have a better shot at securing higher draft picks in the following years, which is good strategy considering next year's draft is highly rated.

LGBTI Can't Marry But Two Dudes Can Beat The Shit Out Of Each Other

The dumbest sport known to Earth will be on full display this weekend as Floyd Mayweather and Connor Macgregor box each other.

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Whilst boxing is not considered as violent and weird as the upstart Ultimate Fighting Championship, it is still predicated on the joy gained from repeatedly punching someone in the head.

Do that on the weekend outside the pub and you're a low-life. Do it inside a (square) ring half-naked and you're a sportsman.

And two people of the same sex who love each other still cannot get married, which is an act that involves zero violence and zero harm to anyone else.

Jamie Whincup "Still A Dick"

At Eastern Creek Raceway yesterday, Jame Whincup won his 106th race in the Supercars championship, making him the most successful driver in the category's history, but most drivers still see him as a dick.

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"Good driver, but still a dick," said long-time rival Mark Winterbottom.

"I hear they get a new custom-made helmet made each year to deal with his ego," said another driver. "I wonder what they'll do now."

Even die-hard Ford fans have major antipathy to a driver who brought the Blue Oval a fair few Bathurst and Championship victories.

"Skaifey even seems a pleasant guy compared to Whincup and [his team] Triple Eight," said Davo, a Ford fanatic. "Team boss Roland Dane is about a pleasant as a mouthful of glass washed down with acid.

"He and his team are always whingeing. They're always sooking to the stewards about something."

 

 

Deputy PM Unsure Who To Support In Bledisloe Cup

This Saturday night Australia plays (ha!) New Zealand in the Bledisloe Cup in a game of rugby union. Nobody cares.

Well, maybe a few private school boys and alums in NSW and Queensland. Rugby union is something of a black hole at the moment in Australia. They just axed one of their own teams in the Super Rugby competition.

However, Deputy Prime Minister and Member for New England and leader of the National Party of Australia, Barnaby Joyce, who has recently disclosed he is a citizen of New Zealand, is torn between who he should support.

The leader of the National Party of Australia, a citizen of New Zealand until yesterday, has often worn Wallabies gear when in public. But now he might be back in black this Saturday.

Toby Greene Not On The Grassy Knoll: Giants

Greater Western Sydney Giants CEO Dave Matthews has released a strongly worded statement defending the actions of forward Toby Greene and reiterated he was "not on the grassy knoll."

The last furore over Greene erupted after he appeared to defend himself from an opposition Western Bulldogs player, Luke Dahlhauls, by using his boot. Another view may be that Greene jumped and kicked away Dahlhaus in the face.

Giants coach Leon Cameron said Greene was a victim of "hysteria." Herald Sun journalist Mark Robinson said if it was Bob Murphy or Marcus Bontempelli then the incident would have been called an "accident."

At the media briefing, Matthews also wanted to emphasis that Greene was not on the grassy knoll the day Kennedy was assassinated in Dallas, Texas. Journalists present were confused by this claim, and wondered whether the hysteria was indeed seriously affecting the Giants.

Innocent Jumpers Caught Up In Jumper Punch Fiasco

Another weekend of AFL and another series of incidents involving jumper punches for the Match Review Panel to examine.

But a few jumpers at a number of AFL clubs have had enough of being repeatedly drawn into scandal by ill-disciplined players.

Kelvin, a jumper at the Geelong Football Club, spoke to The Seagull. He is sick of being lumped in together with over-aggressive footy players who can't control themselves.

"Hawkins, he's a big boy, but he just can't help himself," said Kelvin. "Any time the Cats are losing he just flips. I see it every week."

Kelvin has confirmed he is not one of Hawkins' match-day jumpers. He is instead raising the issue on behalf of fellow jumpers who are sick, sick, sick of their reputations being tarnished by stupid footy players.

"Call it what it is: a punch. Doesn't matter if you're holding a jumper or a bottle of Moet, it's still a punch.

"I've got friends at Richmond and Melbourne and they're just sick to death of it."

Another jumper, who spoke to The Seagull on the condition of anonymity, said a lot of his mates were considering switch to AFLW in the off-season.

"It's new and small and less money, but the atmosphere is great. And there's no dickheads scrunching you up so you can knock someone in the chin," the jumper said.

CA's James Sutherland 'Just Gunning For Warner': Report

Sources have alleged to The Seagull that Cricket Australia CEO James Sutherland is "just gunning for David Warner."

David Warner, Australia's Test and One-Day opening batsman, has been the most outspoken in his support of the player's demands in the testy pay talks.

As the negotiations ebb and flow and future tours look increasingly in doubt, the war of words in and out of the media become increasingly bitter.

An insider from Cricket Australia has told The Seagull that even if the players' demands are met, Sutherland has vowed to lean heavily on the selectors to punish Warner.

"Sutherland said Warner will be lucky to be playing for NSW when the deal is done," according to the insider.

 

"What's a tank?" North Dispels Tanking Rumours

North Melbourne coach Brad Scott has sought to allay concerns that North Melbourne is "tanking" - deliberately losing - to move up the order in this years draft.

Photo: AAP

Photo: AAP

Several senior players were withdrawn from last week's match against Essendon - a game in which North played extremely well - which raised eyebrows in the media because the media need something to talk about.

"What's a tank?" Scott replied to a reporter's question at a press conference today, a hilarious reference to The Simpsons episode where Fat Tony responds to Chief Wiggum's interrogative questioning, "What's a truck?" Gold.

Scott was emphatic in his desire to maintain a winning culture at the club versus higher draft picks.

"We don't want to turn in the next Carlton or Melbourne where you go through three or four coaches and waste a whole lot of money on quick fixes. That's moronic.

"If we really wanted to tank this year then we would've kept all those old fogeys we kicked out last year."

Superstitious Richmond Fan Still Not Watching The Tigers

Beryl Sweeney has followed the Richmond Tigers for 68 years. She's seen a few flags in her time. She's also seen a lot of ninth places on the ladder.

As the 2017 home and away season draws to a close, Beryl is beginning to get excited. But only from what friends are telling her.

"I'm not watching any regular games, and to be honest, I don't even like hearing about them," says Beryl. "If after round 23 we're in the top eight then that's when I'll start paying attention. I know if I start engaging we'll fall away faster than a cat on a hot tin roof."

Sport and superstition go hand in hand. From cricketers who wear special underwear to footballers who always strap up their shoulders to fans that never watch a set shot for goal, there's always a weird habit.

But Beryl has taken hers to a new level.

"I remember yelling at my grandson when he was driving me to my optometrist appointment. He put SEN on and bloody Kevin Bartlett was pumping us up!"

It's been 16 years since Richmond last won a final and Beryl hopes her luck is about to change.

AFL Announces Massive Alcohol Sponsorship Deal

AFL CEO Gillon McLachlan yesterday announced a massive new sponsorship deal with SAB Miller, owner of Foster’s Group, owner of Carlton & United Breweries, makers of Victoria Bitter and Carlton Draught, beers, for the next five years.

The news is a rare piece of good news in a week where all the news has been bad news for the AFL with the news that two senior executives were having affairs with younger women.

The alcohol deal continues the partnership between the AFL and the some of the biggest drug companies in Australia and the world. The Melbourne-based AFL was keen to ensure that weird, unknown beer labels from states such as Queensland and South Australia weren’t seen by Victorians.

The deal enables the beer makers to put their logos on advertising boards all around Australian football grounds to remind people to keep consuming their product.

In other AFL news, McLachlan established a working group to work to consider an overhaul of its drugs policies.

‘We need players to heed the anti-drugs message,’ McLachlan said.

NSW No Different To The Boy Who Cried Wolf

New South Wales is either the boy who cried wolf, saying over and over that there's a predator laying in wait, or Pinocchio, telling the world they can win next year's Origin series.

Photo: Mark Kolbe

Photo: Mark Kolbe

NSW will make you believe anything you want to believe. But they can't win Origin. They don't even "get" Origin according to former champion Andrew Johns.

They don't know how to win and it seems like they don't want to win. Perhaps the participation trophy is enough for them.

Jonathon Thurston played Game II with a smashed shoulder and won the game for Queensland. He'll never play Origin again but his legacy is complete.

What legacy does NSW have? Will anyone ever believe them when they say they're a chance?