Geelong Says Dustin Martin "Over-rated"

In a stunning declaration that has stunned football journalists, Geelong has declared Richmond midfielder Dustin Martin is "over-rated."

Assistant coach Kieron Faulkner said the Cats would not be interested in chasing the signature of the 25 year old Tiger champion unlike all other AFL clubs in the AFL.

"He's a good kick, no doubt," said Faulkner. "But you can teach that to anyone. Let's be real - the only reason he looks so good is because Richmond are so bad."

Martin will be the hottest property on the free agency market at the end of the season, where he is expected to receive offers from between one and one-point-five million dollars per season.

Except from Geelong.

Added Faulkner: "And let's face it - we used all our money on Dangerfield. Which is money well spent when he plays better than half the team combined."

Indy 500 Fireball: How hard is it to drive into a wall?

It's the question everyone around the world is asking after Sebastien Bourdais drove his IndyCar into the wall at the Indianapolis Raceway, causing it to explode with a massive fireball.

Most talented racers drive or ride on circuits that have usually 10 to 20 corners, undulations and sometimes blind crests. With IndyCars, one is turning the wheel four times the same way every lap... is that racing? Is it even driving?

Nobody doubts these drivers go fast - clearly Bourdais was going too fast for his hand to keep up with the necessary leftward tug the machine required. Perhaps we should examine the similarities with drag racing. Even though drag racing is technically racing, perhaps by the mere technicality that there's more than one car involved, is it really racing using skill and nous against other drivers and not just your reflexes?

 

Trump's Bizarre Sharapova Rant

Donald Trump's strange week keeps getting stranger. The US President has intervened in the emerging saga that is Maria Sharapova versus the Rest of the Tennis World.

Early in the morning today Trump tweeted: "More anti-Russia bias by French losers banning the beautiful Maria Sharapova! Sad."

The President's tweet relates to the French Open organisers refusing to give Sharapova a wildcard entry for the tournament starting May 22.

The president of the French Tennis Federation, Bernard Giudicelli, said "There can be a wildcard for the return from injuries; there cannot be a wildcard for the return from doping."

Trump's intervention follows the shocking revelations revealed this week that he had asked former FBI director James Comey to shut down the Russia inquiry, which is tantamount to obstruction of justice, or what Congressional Republicans call "concerning."

Nation Glad It Doesn't Have To Side With Michael Clarke In Cricket Dispute

The ongoing pay dispute between Cricket Australia and the Australian Cricketers' Association has revealed a silver lining: the public has realised it doesn't have to invest emotional effort toward Michael "Pup" Clarke.

Last summer Clarke joined the Channel 9 TV commentary team and was widely panned on social media. The occasions where Clarke was joined by fellow bogan Shane Warne in the box were particularly horrendous.

"God awful," was a common refrain.

But on the weekend just past, Cricket Australia CEO James Sutherland, who must have been fighting with the missus or something, sent an angry, threatening email to the ACA, saying players would not be paid past the June 30 expiration date of the current agreement.

Australian cricketers basically laughed in Sutherland's face via social media, saying the summer would be weird if they took strike action.

But everyone has come to the great realisation that should the players take industrial action then they'll be supporting the likes of Steve Smith, David Warner, Peter Handscomb and Elise Perry, and not that wanker from Western Sydney.

"Pup was a good player," said cricket fanatic Kelvin Yates. "But nobody, and I mean nobody wants to hear him talk."

"I don't know how his wife would put up with it," said Patty Edwardes, another fan. "He's more nasal than a kazoo."

Are We Expecting Impossibly High Standards From NRL Players?

Less than a week after three NRL players - including the New Zealand captain - were arrested and charged over drug-related offences, people are again asking: "Does the NRL have a drug problem?"

Also, other people are asking: "Is taking cocaine or any other illicit drug on the weekend that big of a deal?"

With three out of more than 300 players at the moment facing drugs charges - meaning less than one percent - it's fair to say that the NRL is no more guilty of having a drugs problem than society itself.

And as Peter FitzSimons reminds us, nobody's mentioning alcohol either.

Everyone knows that most (not all - we don't want to generalise) sportspeople aren't that bright. So perhaps we should just let them be human and leave them be. Why do sportspeople have to be paragons of virtue?

Why should we expect higher standards from footy players than CEOs, bankers and politicians?

City Rejoices As Pies Fall Flat Again

There's a saying in football: the only thing better than Collingwood losing a grand final is Collingwood losing a grand final by one point. In essence, there is no hiding the joy in the schadenfreude of every non-Collingwood fan, and certainly not after this weekend.

"It's just bloody fantastic," said Jason Retizzi, a cafe owner in Lygon St, Carlton. "Especially as it was on their birthday!"

Saturday's match against Carlton marked the Magpies 125th anniversary of their first match. But their listless performance has opponents crowing and fans seething, with the focal point being coach Nathan Buckley.

AFL coaches would be well advised to steer clear of social media, more so after a loss.

Whilst some observers saw green shoots in the upset win against Geelong in round 6, others were content to bide their time.

"Collingwood has been more flaky than a weatherboard house over recent years," said sports journalist Ewen Rhames. "Last year they beat the GWS Giants up there. Now they lose to Carlton twice in two years!

"Remember, Carlton is a club that had a full reset last year. Buckley has won 11 games at his hand-built Collingwood side against the 10 wins of the Blues in that same period. Something's not right. But I'm lovin' it!"

It seems objectivity even flies out the door when the Colliwobbles appear!

27 Years On As Boss, Coates To Bring Change To AOC

John Coates was today re-elected as President of the Australian Olympic Committee after a controversial six-week election campaign.

Coates won 58 votes to challenger Danni Roche's 35.

Coates has pledged to formulate a succession plan so there may be a smooth transition after the Tokyo 2020 Olympics. He has also promised to cede some authority to the AOC's CEO Matt Carroll.

Challenger Roche had promised to bring change to the organisation to increase transparency and reduce bloated operating costs, but it seems like Australia's Olympic sporting organisation's don't mind paying themselves good wages at the expense of the development of grass-roots sports.

Especially when it's the taxpayers footing the bill. For continually shit performances at the Olympics.

Peptides Wear Off As Essendon Rests Watson

Former Essendon skipper Jobe Watson looks likely to be rested for this weekend's match against Fremantle at Subiaco. The match committee will meet on Thursday to make a decision.

Watson played an average game in Essendon's 38-point loss to Melbourne on Sunday, getting only 13 touches. Watson was adamant he could back up after the ANZAC Day match against Collingwood only five days before, but it looks like that may not have been the case.

Essendon coach John Worsfold was concerned that the banned batch of players had "hit a wall" after the heavy defeat to Adelaide in round 4.

There has been speculation for some time now that these players returning from a year-long suspension would be down on match fitness, or that simply the dangerous, experimental program of off-site peptide injections would lose its value.

Either way, Watson ain't playing against the Dockers on Sunday.