Eastern Suburbs' Shit Themselves As Bikies and African Gangs Consider Merging

A shiver has run through the collective spine of the Eastern Suburbs of Melbourne as rumours swirl that unnamed bikie gangs and African gangs have considered merging.

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Whilst bikies generally prefer to keep a low profile and insist their organisations are merely places for motorcycle enthusiasts to gather, the so-called African gangs are happy to jump in the media spotlight.

"There's no knowing where this could end up, except on our front page," an anonymous Herald Sun reporter told The Seagull. "This Wednesday we'll be including a 32-page liftout on the gang crisis!"

As citizens have been too afraid to go out for dinner due to the gang crisis, the crisis has been a boon for Uber Eats and Deliveroo, not to mention Domino's.