Kevin Rudd Speaks Plain English

Former Prime Minister Kevin Rudd was heard yesterday speaking plain English during a speech at the University of Sydney.

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Rudd was said to have used simple phrases and easy-to-understand language to get his views across.

Rudd, whose more famous utterances include “detailed programmatic specificity” and “fair shake of the sauce bottle,” did not respond to calls from The Seagull yesterday.

Several Labor MPs, who wished to remain anonymous, declared that this was “normal language” for the former prime minister. “This happens all the time. I can understand [Rudd]. He just used to put on this egghead act for the public. God knows why,” the source added.

While many of those present at the speech were secretly thankful for the exposing of Rudd’s clear vernacular, others were not so impressed. Left-leaning academics and commentators said they “disillusioned” by Rudd appearing to “dumb down” his language. Professor Robert Manne declared it a “great shame” that Rudd had simplified his message.

“The elected representatives of our nation ought to endeavour to facilitate a higher degree of conversation of policies of immense societal significance,” Professor Manne said.