Startling reports have emerged of Prime Minister Malcolm Turnbull and Immigration Minister Peter Dutton running off from Tony Abbott at Parliament House last week.
Unnamed anonymous sources who wish to remain unknown say Abbott offered to buy coffees for the three of them. Once Abbott was inside the cafe, Turnbull and Dutton ran off down the halls and back to the Prime Minister's office.
A spokesperson for the Prime Minister refused to comment on the alleged incident; inquiries to Dutton's office went unanswered.
Labor frontbencher Anthony Albanese, most likely a victim of schoolyard hijinks himself, said it was "typical Tory behaviour" from Turnbull.
"Mr Harbourside Mansion just doesn't know how to relate to people beneath his level, and Tony Abbott is clearly beneath him."
Reports of right-wing agitator Kevin Andrews consoling Tony Abbott have so far not been corroborated.