Vegans Get Together To Practice Self-Righteous Tones

In Fitzroy, a small group of vegans assemble at the Edinburgh Gardens to practice their self-righteous and condescending tones.

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“It’s something we do, like, about once a week,” says Jessykaa, the group’s spokesperson. “We find that if you leave it longer than seven days your voice box loses it haughtiness.”

“Use it or lose it!” Derron tells The Seagull.

The group said its imperious noises, which include moans, ahhing, mmming and tsking, were particularly useful when working with people that are less evolved, as well as special family occasions like Christmas.

“Well I don’t even say that - I say Xmas or just, like, December 25,” said Jessykaa. “So, when you see a relative using farmed dairy milk from the animal industrial complex, you either remain silent and lose your moral fibre or you make some noise about it. Last year, my technique was a simple mmm, followed by a semi eye-roll.”

The group, which is yet to formally decide on a name because some consider that too close to integrating with the mainstream, says it is considering offering its services as a social enterprise.