Vatican Denies Pope Has Drug Problem

A spokesman for Pope Francis has denied that the pontiff has a drug problem, despite rumours swirling in the Vatican City and Rome around the subject.

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Rumours and anecdotes, not directly referencing Pope Francis, have been brought to the attention of The Seagull and New Idea. The rumours involve the use of cocaine and possibly the very precarious substance known as DMT.

DMT stands for Dimethyltryptamine, which is a psychedelic compound of the tryptamine family. It is usually (though not always) one of the main ingredients of the drink ayahuasca, which is used in South American shamanic practices, and can cause hallucinations and intense visuals.

The Seagull is investigating whether the Pope or members of the Vatican’s inner circle are entheogenists attempting to unlock the secrets of the universe.

These latest rumours appear after the news that Pope Francis drank a tea of coca leaves, camomile and anise seeds on the plane trip to Bolivia from Ecuador to ward off altitude sickness upon arrival at the highest international airport in the world.