Go To Bali

The world’s most populous Muslim nation, Indonesia, is Australia’s favourite overseas holiday destination. Of course, most of them don’t want anything to do with the Sharia stuff, so they head to island of Bali, the tourist hotspot where the predominant religion is Buddhism.

Australians go there, at a rate of 16,000 per week, to surf, to drink, to relax on the beach in the glow of the sunset. Australians are generous spenders when it comes to travelling, and Bali is no exception. The accommodation, the food and drinks and bootleg shirts are so cheap, so it is easy to understand why more than a million Aussies go there ever year.

Australians work hard and deserve to have a holiday. If you want to be a patriot, and live like a king or queen, you need to go to Bali.

Southern Cross Tattoo

The Southern Cross is the common name for the Crux constellation which is located in the southern hemisphere of Earth. Australians uses the Southern Cross as a cultural symbol in many guises, mostly in the form of flags. More recently, the Southern Cross has become the tats du jour for bogans in Australia.

Though the Crux is visible from more than 50 countries and sits upon the flags of New Zealand, Brazil, Papua New Guinea and Samoa, Australians have claimed the set of five stars as their own. There is now a necessity to prove one's nationalism by staining one’s skin with the Crux. Furthermore, the Southern Cross Tattoo, also know as the Aussie Swazie, is sometimes adorned with phrases such as ‘Fuck off, we’re full,’ and ‘If you don’t love it, leave.’

If you want to be a patriot, you need to get a Southern Cross Tattoo.


G-dropping is a feature of English-language speakers whereby the -ing sound of words is replaced with an -in sound. Technically, no sound is dropped, but rather the velar nasal is replaced with the alveolar nasal. We’re not going to explain what that means.

Despite originating with the upper-class landed gentry with the phrase huntin’, shootin’ and fishin’, as well as being used by some poet dude named Jonathan Swift, G-dropping has been appropriated by the working class. Presumably they spend all their leisure time now hunting, shooting and fishing while the upper-class trade stocks and buy properties.

If you want to be a patriot you gotta drop the G.

Wear A Cork Hat

These days in Australia it’s unlikely you’ll see a cork hat. (What?) You’re more likely to see a snap back than a cork hat. Perhaps you’ll see a Greg Chappell broad brim hat (What?), or perhaps some kids wearing a legionnaires cap (What?). The times they are a-changin’.

A cork hat is a broad brim hat, or slouch hat, with corks having from strings tied to the edges. The corks’ low density means the hat’s weight barely increases. Science!

Basically, the cork hat represents the symbolical, mythological or stereotypical Aussie, or rocker or bogan, i.e. Patriot.

If you want to be a patriot, try wearing a cork hat.