The Good Seagull

The Good Seagull is named after that polite seagull that patiently waits for a chip and is not aggressive to its brothers and sisters, nor humans. They are rare.

In 2017 this award goes to Tarana Burke.


Burke created the #MeToo hashtag which aimed to denounce sexual assault and harassment experienced by women in the wake of the Harvey Weinstein scandal.

Burke originally coined the term on MySpace in 2006 when confronted with a 13 year old girl who confided to Burke that she had been sexually assaulted. After being unable to respond at the time, Burke later wished she had said "Me too."

The phrase was popularised by actor Alyssa Milano in the wake of the Weinstein scandal, who credited Burke with its creation.

Today more than 500,000 people have posted their stories online about personal experiences of sexual harassment. The movement was awarded Time's Person of the Year for 2017.


The Harvey-gull Award

The Harvey-gull is named after notorious rapist Harvey Weinstein. He wasn't the first man working in a male-dominated industry to be accused of sexual harassment and sexual assault, and he certainly won't be the last.


There were years of rumours and innuendo and gossip about Weinstein's behaviour and his casting couch activities. As early as 1998 Gwyneth Paltrow alluded to this. The power of Weinstein's reputation and his high-level connections with some of the most powerful people in America insulated him.

But nobody was willing to go on the record, until October 2017. The New York Times published a story that accused Weinstein of three decades of sexual misconduct and that he paid settlements to eight women.

Since then more than 80 women have come forward with allegations of Weinstein's predatory behaviour. Numerous other Hollywood-types, media personalities and politicians have been accused of sexual misconduct and the Weinstein effect will continue for many more years to come whilst shit men still exist.

The Silver Seagull

The Silver Seagull is award to the buffoon of the year. A conceited yet moronic individual who spouts nonsense.

The obvious choice for 2017 is Malcolm Roberts.


Roberts is a former Senator who was kicked out of parliament because he was illegally elected. Roberts lied about his citizenship when he nominated for the 2016 election. He chose to believe he was solely Australian, despite the fact that he was was also a British citizen.

Roberts also believes that there is no "empirical" evidence for an increase in global temperatures causing by human pollution, leading to climate change.

Roberts has frequently used a style of writing and terminology linked to the sovereign citizen movement which sees governments as illegitimate and attempts to assert the rights of individuals to ignore laws and taxes. Crackpot stuff.

Roberts also believes that a Jewish conspiracy of international bankers are trying to gain control of the planet through environmentalism, a claim which was founded by a anti-Semite and Holocaust denier.

What a fuckstain.

The Golden Seagull

The Golden Seagull is awarded to the worst person of the year. To the surprise of nobody, it is Donald Trump. Let's just dot point this.

  • lying about the size of his inauguration crowd
  • sacking FBI Director James Comey because he was investigating him
  • tweeting himself body slamming CNN
  • humiliating Australia's Prime Minister (not necessarily that bad)
  • abandoning the Paris Climate Change agreement
  • those fucken weird handshakes
  • abandoning Puerto Rico
  • tax cuts for millionaires and billionaires
  • accusing Obama of tapping his phones
  • holding that sycophantic cabinet meeting
  • banning transgender people from the military
  • endorsing a pedophile for the US Senate
  • calling Nazis very fine people
  • covfefe
  • colluding with Russia to steal an election (probably)

Also he's a racist, sexist, Islamaphobic piece of shit that is accused of raping several women.


The Peg Leg Award

The Peg Leg Award is named after that peculiar seagull that stands off to the side, hiding one leg in an attempt to garner sympathy from humans. But we know that it is actually a healthy bird trying to scavenge a chip like the rest of the gulls. The Peg Leg is awarded to those that would claim to be doing good but actually are causing harm.

This year it was Lyle Shelton.


Lyle Shelton is boss of the Australian Christian Lobby, a lobbyist organisation which has appointed itself as the protector of all Christians in Australia. Shelton is a notable opponent of marriage equality and all progressive causes and thinks all non-heterosexual people are abominations.

Shelton believes that marriage equality will lead to another Stolen Generation and has publicly supported the use of conversion therapy upon children. Shelton is also a fanatical opponent of the anti-bullying Safe Schools program and frequently lies about queer issues to his idiot supporters.

And despite the devastating impact that domestic violence causes in Australia, particularly within Christian communities, Shelton's lobbyist organisation ignores the issues, instead focusing on what two consenting adults want to do.